I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
