oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Pooping to opera.
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