i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
