Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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