He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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