i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
