Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
