girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
