The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize