You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
