I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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