Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
