I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
