You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
