Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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