id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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