I wish my penis had an off switch
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
