I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
