my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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