I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
