I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I could have mohawked her pubes.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
