yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Shame - the story of my life.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
