It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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