You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
