Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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