I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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