Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
