i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
