you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
