everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
