im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
