The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
