Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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