mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.