and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
