Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend