remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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