my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.