I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.