Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
