You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
