all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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