You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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