I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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