Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
