I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Randomize
