Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
send nudes
from the living room?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
