i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
