need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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