im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
