Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You're like the curious george of whores
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
