cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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