I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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