ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
