i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
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Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
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Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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