Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize