Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
