guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
