I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
