Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
