The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
a search helicopter?!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
