Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
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For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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