Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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