half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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