i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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