mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
