oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
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don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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