just come out here and I will go home with you...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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