burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
