I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
