I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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