Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
