I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
