New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
