i just wanna soil my oats bro
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
