apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
