I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
