last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You did what with his pubic hair?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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