I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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