i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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