I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
