SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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