Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
