Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
