I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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