You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
