Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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