I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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