please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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