i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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