got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
